Right, that’s it: we’ve got to do something about Canada. The country’s wildfires, which resulted in air quality alerts across more than 20 US states, ruined my weekend. On Friday the air in Philadelphia, where I live, was so unhealthy I couldn’t go outside without my eyes stinging. My kid’s preschool cancelled outdoor time, while the city suspended trash pickup and closed public pools.

You know who did not suspend their regularly scheduled programming because of a bit of toxic smoke? The plot monitoring committee at my allotment. Despite the apocalyptic conditions, they were still busy ensuring the gardening bylaws were strictly adhered to. I realised this on Saturday when I got an official violation for too many weeds. Yes, I’d got a bit carried away with “chaos gardening” (all the rage these days) and I’d meant to clean things up on Friday, until the smoke got in the way. So, thanks for that Canada.

Luckily, Donald Trump is on the case. On Friday he complained on Truth Social that the US had been “invaded” by “filthy, polluted, and unhealthy air”, and the situation was “totally unacceptable”. Then, on Sunday, the president said he’d spoken to the Canadian prime minister Mark Carney and told him “you got to stop these fires from coming in and, you know, poisoning our air”. He added: “Maybe they should pay some damages or something, or we should do some tariffs.” I’m surprised he didn’t order ICE to stamp out the fires.

Carney, for his part, responded to Trump’s comments by referencing the climate crisis, and noting that this was everyone’s responsibility to address. But who wants to talk about an inconvenient fact like the human-caused climate crisis when it’s much easier to just blame Canadians? Maga certainly doesn’t. On Thursday the Republican senator Bernie Moreno from Ohio introduced a new bill that would sanction Canadian officials for wildfire smoke. Meanwhile, the geniuses on Fox News have been busy yelling about Canada while skirting around the root causes of the wildfires.

Poor Canada isn’t just getting a lot of hot air directed at it from Trumpers, it’s now issued its own air quality warnings because of American fires to the south. It turns out that smoke doesn’t recognise border policies. And, as the weather becomes more extreme, things are only going to get worse: the world is literally on fire and the arsonists are fiddling with tariffs as it burns.