Living with a Rottweiler means learning their unique blend of loyalty, stubbornness, and comic timing. If they had thumbs and a phone, your notifications would be buzzing nonstop. Here’s a peek at what their texts might look like.

1. “So… about breakfast. You forgot the extra scoop.”

Every Rottweiler believes portion sizes are negotiable. If you thought you were sneaky cutting back on kibble, their message would pop up right as you sip your coffee. Bonus points for attaching a drool soaked selfie as “proof of starvation.”

2. “Neighbor’s cat looked at me again. Do something.”

Rottweilers love order, and in their eyes, neighborhood cats are rule breaking anarchists. They’d demand immediate intervention, preferably with you marching outside in your slippers to enforce “the law.”

3. “Why is the mailman still allowed near our house?”

Their protective streak runs deep, and the daily mail delivery is a personal insult. Expect repeated texts around noon every day, possibly with an ALL CAPS “I HANDLED IT” after a round of furious barking.

4. “I found the couch. And yes, I fit.”

No Rottweiler believes furniture has limits. Even if they’re 100 pounds of solid muscle, they’ll sprawl across the cushions and send you photo evidence captioned with smug satisfaction.

5. “You’re late. Again. Do I need to pee in your shoes?”

Routine is sacred. If you’re five minutes behind their walk schedule, your phone would light up with passive aggressive reminders. Threats of shoe based revenge may follow.

6. “Throw the ball. No, not that ball. The other ball.”

Fetching is serious business. They’d text you mid game to clarify that you picked the wrong toy, followed by another message two seconds later saying they’ve now lost interest in all toys.

7. “Love you. But also… when’s dinner?”

Beneath the guarding, growling, and goofy dramatics, they’d still sneak in a soft message reminding you that you’re their whole world. Of course, it would come paired with a casual nudge about mealtime.

Rottweilers may not have texting abilities (yet), but their personalities speak loud enough already. If they ever got smartphones, you’d need an unlimited data plan just to keep up.